Houseisms

If her DNA was off by one percentage point she'd be a dolphin .

Add your favorite Houseisms right here

- Everybody lies

- I am almost always eventually right.

- Ritual is what happens when we run out of rational.

- She's not some floozy in a bar, she's the floozy I work for.

- She hurt my friend… She should be punished!

- Addictive substances are no substitute for nature's healing balm

. Do you see that? They all think that I'm a patient because of this cane!"

- How does someone just start drooling? Chase? Were you wearing your short shorts?

- Physician patient confidentiality protects me from annoying conversations.

-"Baby steps"

- Snap-a-licious!!!

- You're telling me to do the right thing, while CLIMBING OUT A WINDOW?

-"Living in misery is better than dying in it"

- "You are absolutely perfect just the way you are"

- "Still not boring"

- read less more tv

- I have a position available on my penis.

- Reasonable arguments don't work on religious people. Otherwise there would be no religious people.

I'm Dr House. This is the rest of the team. Boring, Bimbo and Bite Size."

"H: why do people believe i'm incapable of doing anything nice? W: Experience " ;)

- I want to deal with my problems some place where I can get a decent cappuccino

- You are absolutely perfect just the way you are

- Still not boring"

- read less more tv

- I'm Dr House. This is the rest of the team. Boring, Bimbo and Bite Size."

- H: why do people believe i'm incapable of doing anything nice? W: Experience " ;)

- It's one of the great tragedies of life- something always changes"

- Everything is conditional. You just can't always anticipate the conditions"

- Of course I've changed!"

- They didn't break me. I am broken.

- People in my life have no expectations of me.

- Bed is for sissies… Unless you're having sex, then… No, it's still for sissies..

- I don’t sleep with married women.

- That's a catchy diagnosis, you could dance to that.

- Lies are like children: they’re hard work, but it’s worth it because the future depends on them.

- Candy canes? Are you mocking me?

- Don’t you dare thank god.

- You don't give a crap what I need. You just want someone to take care of him.
I had a heart attack this morning.I can't do any more drugs till at least lunch.

- I'd want him to say 'you were right, you did the right thing’”.

- It's one of the great tragedies of life - something always changes.

- Do you think I can fix myself?

- He thinks you do your job and what will be will be. I think what I do and what you do matters.

- Normal is overrated.

- It's not easy, but it is simple.

- I don't need verification from you to know that I'm doing my job well.

- If you're happy, I'm…

- It's a bit whorish to kiss AND stab.

- Humanity is overrated.

- Sometimes the best gift is the gift of never seeing you again.

- I have to pee! Ha, see you couldn't tell, cuz, actually I have to poo!

- Symptoms never lie.

- Hector go rug is a lame anagram for Dr Gregory house, want a better one? Huge ego sorry.

- If you die, I'm alone.

- There’s no ‘I’ in team, but there is a ‘me’ if you jumble it up.

- Weird works for me.

- Successes only last until someone screws them up. Failures are forever.

- I don't want to be in pain. I don't want to be miserable, and I don't want him to hate me.
People need answers.

- Steve McQueen without hair?

- It's a blessing he died young!

- I've been a Doctor for years why do I have to keep assuring people I know what I'm doing?

- Pain happens when you care.

- You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you get what you need.

- Reality is almost always wrong.

- Thank you rationalization man! You have SAVED the village!

- I ask you, is almost dying any reason for not being fun?

- You took an oath. An oath to be cool.

- Hope is for sissies.

- You know that when you run out of questions, you don't just run out of answers. You run out of hope.

- Hi…It's like hello only shorter.

- You want to make things right? Too bad. Nothing's ever right.

- You love everybody, that's your pathology.

- I'm guessing that your testosterone level is just below "Bieber."

- Idiots are fun, no wonder every village wants one.

- Either you’re going to die in 5 seconds or you suck at math.

- He's self destructive.

- It’s never lupus.

- There is not a thin line between love and hate; there is -in fact- a great wall of China with armed sentries posted every 20 feet between love and hate.

- Help me.

- Arrogance has to be earned.

- I'm sick of being miserable.

- If only you'd said that 2 minutes ago, before I came up with my new scheme, now I'm committed. Ha! Get it?

- You are the most incredible man I've ever known. You are always going to be the most incredible man I have ever known.

- Me and Humanity, we got together too young.

- Mistakes are as serious as the results they cause.

- I don't want to change who I am.

- Everything is conditional. You just can't always anticipate the conditions.

- You don't like yourself, but you do admire yourself.

- You're so afraid if you change, you'll lose what makes you special.

- What I want is more important than what you're doing.

- There's nothing in this universe that can't be explained. Eventually.

- Nice to meet you, I'm Blythe, his mother.

- This lovely ray of sunshine is doctor Lisa cuddy.

- When I first came to you, I told you I wanted to be happy, and I followed your advice and instead I'm just miserable.

- You know me. Hostility makes me shrink up like a— I can't think of a non-sexual metaphor.

- I was deluded in to thinking I might be crazy.
Without constant supervision he's gonna slide back into drugs. If you're not watching him, I've got to.

- I don't think you are looking for someone to prove you right. I think you are looking for someone to prove you wrong, to give you hope.

- I know pain. You think you can handle it, and one day you can't. And when that happens, you either find reasons to go on, or you don't.
-bad things sometimes happen

-I’m sure this goes against everything you’ve been taught, but right and wrong do exist. Just because you don’t know what the right answer is – maybe there’s even no way you could know what the right answer is – doesn’t make your answer right or even okay. It’s much simpler than that. It’s just plain wrong.
I care because I live. I can't care if I'm dead.
"No Reason"
I didn't know people actually read emails—the delete button is so conveniently located. '' Distractions''.

- You don't get negotiations do you? I say four, you say three, we finally settle on three and a half. Which will be good news for Taub. "Games"

-If it wasn’t for Socrates, that raving untreated schizophrenic, we wouldn’t have the Socratic method – the best way of teaching everything, apart from juggling chainsaws.

-If you could reason with religious people,there wouldn´t be any religious people

-you know how it is with nuns,you take out their IUD´s and they bounce right back

-Next time pack some heat, maybe we'll look into it

-Damn I left my CT machine in my other pants

-Well, normally I’d put on a festive hat and celebrate the fact that the earth has circled the sun one more time. I really didn’t think it was gonna make it this year, but darnit, if it wasn’t the Little Planet That Could all over again. — 1.06 The Socratic Method

If it wasn’t for Socrates, that raving untreated schizophrenic, we wouldn’t have the Socratic method – the best way of teaching everything, apart from juggling chainsaws. Without Isaac Newton, we’d be floating on the ceiling. — 1.06 The Socratic Method

- Turns out your best judgment isn’t good enough, here’s an idea: next time use mine. — 1.06 The Socratic Method

- Wouldn’t wanna operate on anyone really sick – they might die and spoil our stats. — 1.06 The Socratic Method

- Good morning, Dr. Cuddy! Love that outfit. Says, I’m professional, but I’m still a woman. Actually, it sorta yells the second part. — 1.06 The Socratic Method

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